Six Ways to Build Your Bridge to the Arriving Generation
The following blog is from Carlton L. Coon, Sr.
Those of the Sage age are responsible to impact younger generations. The Bible tells us so. “The elders which are among you I exhort, . . . who am also an elder, . . . Feed the flock of God . . . taking the oversight . . .Neither as being lords over God’s heritage, but being ensamples to the flock.” (1 Peter 5:1-3)
Feed - Put something into the arriving generation.
Take oversight - Be responsible.
Guard your attitude - Don’t be full of yourself.
Be a good mold into which the younger may pour themselves.
Have you found this easier said than done? It is a rewarding yet challenging endeavor. As is the case in all intentional communication - the influencer is responsible to make the connection with the one influenced. We of the Sage age are responsible to engineer and build bridges connecting us with the young. Your influence on the future begins with recognizing what is both a responsibility and opportunity to impact tomorrow.
Here are five effective ways to build the bridge of interaction.
1. Take action that results in personal interaction.
You cannot influence people with whom you have no connection. Those who are younger will seldom ask to spend time with a Sage. Take the responsibility to invite someone twenty or thirty years younger to lunch or coffee. Reach beyond your family. Get beyond your comfort zone. If, in time, the younger person does not seem to welcome the interaction, don’t despair. Start the same process with another younger person.
2. Listen Actively and Non-Judgmentally
It is crucial to listen actively and without judgment. Each generation has different viewpoints and life-experiences. These different perspectives can lead to misunderstandings. Don’t assume you understand.
Make it stand out
“You may dislike contemporary music and wish for the red song book…”
An example is in order. You may dislike contemporary music and wish for the red song book with three accordions and six tambourines providing the music. If you want to be an influence in the younger person’s life - keep that personal opinion to yourself. To establish trust, acceptance, and rapport, create a safe space where someone a generation behind feels heard and respected.
While spending time with those of the arriving generation, ask open-ended questions. To get you started, a list of twenty open-ended questions is available here. As the younger talks, show a genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings. If you want to communicate your level of interest:
Make a few notes.
Ask follow-up questions.
Let them talk. When they share an opinion - and they will - don’t interrupt. Instead, listen attentively. Listening to their idea is in itself a validation. Don’t fret, listening does not indicate agreement. Rather, this type active listening demonstrates that you care about them.
Building a bridge is not an overnight project. There must be a plan and process. Both take time. You are in this for the long-haul. If you don’t agree with something the younger think, you might respond, “Interesting idea, I’m not sure I agree, have you thought about . . . ?” Questions are softer than statements. Questions produce thought.
3. Accept the Significance of Technology and Social Media
Those of the Sage age live in a world unlike the 1950s and 1960s. We are the foreigners in this strange digital land. Those in their 40s and earlier, speak a different language.
Technology plays a key role for the arriving generations. You are building a bridge when you make an effort to embrace technology and understand social media platforms. Spending a bit of time with social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok can give you a sense of the content the younger interact with. You may not like it, but the world will never again run on printed documents. Being willing to understand and where possible adapt to the tech-savvy world will help make you more relatable and approachable. You can do this, if you want to. My mother is in her mid-80s. She has been using email, and Facebook for over ten years. Due to rheumatoid arthritis, Mom watches church online. Amazon deliveries arrive at her house several times each week.
How and where can you learn? Many libraries make free training available for those who are the Sage age. Youtube videos present the opportunity to learn almost anything. Perhaps you learn best from books. The following are highly recommended:
4. Your stories are important.
The arriving generations often learn the most from your experiences. Sharing your life stories, including the dumb things builds a bridge. Be transparent. You will not be influential if you come across as a self-righteous stuffed shirt. Instead, laugh uproariously at yourself. The younger presume that you have had an easy life. They don’t know about your still-born baby, the times you went several months unable to find a job, or what your life was like before Jesus rescued you forty-five years ago. Some of your stories will be told through tears. Tell how you have endured, highlighting how your relationship with Jesus helped you overcome challenges. If you don’t tell those stories - the arriving generations will never know. With your real-world stories told, you may sense that the younger is open to you being part of their life. If so, offer to come alongside as a guide in areas where you have expertise. What you offer, need not be about spiritual matters. Those of the arriving generation need help with budgeting, career advice, parenting, and how to hold a job. Of course, the younger may also want to connect as to be more effective in prayer or how to study the Bible. Your experiences provide valuable insight. Being real bridges the gap. In everything, including story- telling, make it a two-way street where you also listen.
5. Engage in Shared Interests and Hobbies
An effective way to build a bridge is to engage in shared interests and hobbies. Whether it’s a love for music, sports, or a hobby, finding common ground beyond church-life leads to conversations and shared experiences. Some Sage age men like baseball, and there are men of the arriving generations who like baseball. Those you consider the best ball players ever may be long dead. But baseball is the same game you loved.
Some Sage age women quilt, and there are women of the arriving generation who enjoy quilting. The older may abhor the idea of machine quilting, while those of the arriving generation embrace it. But the famous designs and patterns, and the cutting of material remains the same. Such common interests can be a fulcrum on which to lever a relationship. As the bridge solidifies, suggest sharing new activities. Attend a concert, share a room at a men’s or ladies conference, join a community group related to a shared interest. These experiences create lasting memories and strengthen your bond with those you must influence.
6. Be Supportive and Respectful of Their Goals
Those 20, 30, and 40 years behind us often have ambitious goals. Never denigrate ambition. Instead, show genuine support for their aspirations. Encourage them to pursue what they envision. If you see danger ahead, bring that danger to light by asking questions. Thus you provide guidance. Can we always protect the arriving generation from bad choices? No. But then, nobody was able to save you from some bad decisions. Respect their choices, even if they differ from what you might have chosen. Show respect for their decisions and acknowledging that God gave them a brain. As a pastor, I learned the importance of even respecting people’s right to be wrong.
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Connecting with the arriving generations requires empathy, active listening, and a willingness to adapt. Using these six approaches -taking the initiative, listening actively, embracing technology, sharing your story, engaging in shared interests, and being supportive—you WILL build a bridge that is absolutely necessary.
Remember: building these relationships takes time, effort, and energy - but it is a primary responsibility in this Sage age of life. The rewards are worth it.
